knowsthepeople | eight [voice]

[While admittedly, "nothing's sticking out" didn't mean it wasn't serious, Patrick wasn't overly concerned. The kid obviously had a high level of pain tolerance, but the fact that he was mobile and not in enough pain to stop him from working out was sort of reassuring. So, he let Jason change the topic again, responding honestly.]

I know.

You really want to erase that whole paht of your life, maybe permanently? [He consciously let the neutral act slip a little, still trying to understand.] I get that pahts of it - alright, all of it's hahd to deal with, but you really want to try stahting over with nothin'? I mean, we've all got stuff we'd rather forget, but you really need to take the good pahts too? Ah there good pahts?

[His accent got a little stronger the more he let his emotions slip into his words.]

[The question makes him retreat inward some, though he himself doesn't move at all, not for a long moment. Then he works on unscrewing the bottle one-handed. NO YOU CAN'T HELP, PATRICK.]

It's the good parts I need to forget.

[He can't quite say that like it's nothing, so he elects to be as stoic as possible about it. This involves focusing on the bottle.]

It's the good parts that hurt the most.

[And then he drinks, just. Not looking at Patrick, not really seeing anything.]

[Patrick thinks about his own dad for a moment - torn between memories of watching baseball, learning how to ride a bike, typical kid stuff and then his drunken fights with his mom, which he'd started getting in the middle of when he was old enough not to be scared of him but instead scared for his mom - and he kind of gets it. Obviously not to the same extent, but the good memories made it harder every time his dad turned violent or yelled or didn't show up for something because he was too drunk to be bothered. So when he spoke, there was some real 'I kind of understand' empathy in his tone, trying to get through to him a little.]

Jason, it doesn't always have to be like this.

[Not like he really knew that for sure. It wasn't like he'd had time to really reconcile with his father before he'd died, and even then, he'd long ago come to terms with the fact that his dad was kind of a bum. Bruce at least clearly gave a fuck about the kid.]

This place is all about second chances, right? Foah all of us. And you can't go through life without anythin' positive. That's a pretty miserable fuckin' experience.

I was okay before I met Bruce.

[He fiddles absently with the cap, still not... looking anywhere at first, but eventually focusing on Patrick again once he realizes what he's doing.]

I'll make new memories here. Become someone else. Since what I am isn't acceptable.

[Yeah, there was no attempt to hide the bitterness there. The anger brings him back to the present.]

This is me working with you, the only way I can figure how. I don't know how much you know about Bruce, I don't think any file in the world can really make you understand — he's impossible, he's — you know none of us are related, right? Yet we're all fucking obsessed. But I'm not his son anymore, I can't. Do this.

You'ah not his son anymore because he doesn't want you to be, oah because you don't want to be?

[The question was asked pretty immediately, and here hinged part of Patrick's potential decision. If this was some ploy to get away from Bruce because Jason felt like he didn't care about him anymore, then he wasn't agreeing to it. The guy was fucked up, sure, but he did love the kid, and Patrick wasn't going to condone Jason pushing himself even farther away because of a misguided idea that his family didn't care about him.]

Both.

[Because things with Jason are never easy. Agitated, he swings around to face Patrick fully, but instead of going off anymore, he shakes his head.]

We're not talking about this in public.

[Patrick doesn't back down, although he's gone back to the calm, sort of cold neutrality, which is his version of being agitated or angry.]

Alright, but we ah talkin' about this, okay?

Edited 2011-04-15 04:39 (UTC)

Now?

[Unwilling as he is to address this, he can sense this is important to Patrick's decision. He can't refuse to talk about it yet.]

Up to you, guy. But I'm not agreein' to anything until we do.

After dinner.

[It's snappish and probably the most aggressive Jason's bothered to be so far. He doesn't even really wait for agreement, just stalks off to the showers to brood for a while. Or, like, all through dinner, fuck everything.]

[And Patrick just lets him go, because seriously, there's no real use arguing. But he'll be holding you to that, Jason.]

[At about 7:30 PM, he's waiting outside Patrick's door. He won't make a fuss if Patrick directs them to Jason's room, though.]

[And a couple minutes later, Patrick shows up. He's had some more time to sit and think about how to handle this, but they definitely aren't talking about it in the hallway.]

Hey.

[He unlocks the door to his room and steps inside, leaving the door open for Jason to follow and presumably shut behind them. It's his apartment from back home - a second story in a somewhat rundown brownstone in Dorchester which is on the smaller side and a little cluttered with stuff, although the absence of Angie's things made it look like it was sort of missing something. Still, he didn't get straight to the point, heading over to the kitchen and calling back over to his inmate.]

You want anything to drink oah whatever?

[He can't actually help glancing around when he's inside, though he keeps it casual.]

I'm all right.

[Because fuck if he's getting the least bit inebriated for this talk. Even the fact he automatically cases a new place upon entering it annoys him. Bruce, why the hell did you teach him all this?]

[Patrick nods and actually grabs a glass of water anyway rather than a beer, leaning against one of the counters instead of taking a seat. He's quiet for a moment, but finally opts for just getting to the point.]

He still loves you, you know.

[The flash of hostility across his face is the only sign of movement from him; he doesn't sit, but he doesn't pace either. He's not going to flip out on Patrick. That won't convince him to do what Jason wants.]

He made a choice.

[And again, the flash doesn't bother him. It's not that he's underestimating him - Jason could kick his ass in about three seconds even with a busted arm and broken ribs - but just that he's not intimidated, and honestly, sort of trusts the kid not to totally lose it with him just yet.]

Then why'd he bother making sure I wasn't just gonna fuck around with you when we first got assigned?

Because he has problems letting go. You know how most people, the death of their parents remains with them the rest of their life but they move on? Not Bruce.

I know he still gives a shit. But he made a choice. Me, or the psycho murderer who killed me and killed hundreds of others and put Barbara in a fucking wheelchair, and he chose the clown. I'm pretty sure we're over.

[The choice of words was deliberate and the tone is ugly, bitterly self-mocking, borderline self-loathing.]

Was he really the one that killed you? 'Cause, from what it says in your file, sounds like you were the one who blew up the building you were both in.

[And that would be Patrick taking a gamble, pushing harder on the issue then he had with probably any other since they'd been assigned to each other, and he knew it.]

He sliced my fucking throat open.

[He's not denying it, though.]

It doesn't matter if he actually killed me right that second, I gave him two options and he chose to kill me. I literally took every other choice away and he still wouldn't choose me over a psychopathic clown. Does he give a shit? Yeah, sure. But it's nothing I can deal with.

So, why'd he do it?

[It's less prying and more trying to understand the psychology of those involved, and wondering how much of this is Jason's version of what happened, despite what Bruce would say.]

[He gives Patrick a tired look.]

Because he's Batman. Because he's insane. It means the same thing. I know he doesn't mean to fuck us around like this, but he can't actually help it. Ask Dick sometime. I bet even Drake has stories. He'll never choose any of us over the mission.

And they can keep on following him despite or because of that, but I won't.

So, this is really it? You honestly don't believe you can get past all this without doing this?

[It was flat, passionless, maybe a little curious, and frankly? Patrick was starting to think this was all a load of bullshit.]

[He just. Shuts his eyes in frustration. He can feel this slipping away, and he's not in a place where he can punch something. It's a while before he responds, low and careful.]

I have two choices, Patrick. I can choose to work with you or I can choose to stay myself. I would rather stay me, but I can't do what I need to do here, I can't go anywhere, I can't even die.

You asked me if I knew Bruce "loved" me. Of course I know. He's the only person who ever cared about me and stayed. Those are the best four years of my life. Everything important I've ever done, I've done because of him, for him, even when I was trying to kill him. He's my entire fucking life. There has to be more than that. Because I can't be his son. Not like this.

[That's as close as he's going to get to admitting changing might change that, and that he'd want that. It's not something he likes to speculate about. If Patrick somehow reprogrammed him, maybe Bruce would want him back... but he refuses to go that far. It's Bruce who taught him to stick to his principles.]

Okay, so he's your whole fucking life. Why can't you build something else here with your memories? If you don't want to be his son anymore, oah if you think he doesn't want you around, then why can't you try to build something with what you have? The fact that you'ah admitting that you want to do something to change, oah you're willing to do something to change means somethin', unless you'ah lyin' to me and you just want to do this so you can get the fuck outta here as fast as possible and you don't really fuckin' care how it happens.

You said you've got two choices: work with me oah stay the same. Why can't you work with me, but keep yoah memories? This whole thing was your idea, and I've never been that on boahd with it. I'm willin' to do whatever it takes to get you out of heah, but this isn't how it's gonna happen.

I know it's hahd to start over, Jason, and I'm not sayin' this'll be easy or fast oah whatever. But erasing everything permanently? That's not progress. And it's not somethin' moah then what you have now. You want to be somethin' moah then what you ah right now? Then we'll work on it together. But I'm not lettin' you do this because it's easier, oah because you think it'll change everythin' with Bruce oah whatever. Progress is deciding to do somethin' positive with ourselves even if the past hurts, not gettin' Narvin to fuck around with your brain.

[And that was his final decision. Do with it what you will, Jason.]

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feverprophecy.livejournal.com - 2011-04-16 18:04 (UTC) - Expand

eight [voice]

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